Testing One, Two, Three

Make no bones about it, I'm not one to complain about my health. However, as many of you might know, I've been a bit under the weather as of late and it has absolutely nothing to do with that blasted groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, seeing his shadow earlier this month!

While I am on the subject of rodents, I must say that I was starting to feel like a guinea pig with all the tests that were being run on me. When it comes to testing, M&D agree that I am a quick study. As a matter of fact, they have high hopes of me getting accepted into an Ivy League school whereas they're coaching Rog in the direction of a vocational technical school.

Well, after receiving the results of my latest test, which I failed miserably, M&D's hopes for me getting into Harvard or Yale may have become a little daunted. Thank Dog it was the World Cultures Urine test that I bombed and not the STD test for brucellosis. In the dog show world, having a sexually transmitted disease is as equally humiliating as Hester Prynne being forced to wear the letter "A" on her chest in The Scarlet Letter!

Anyway, I'd just like to say thanks for all your well wishes and let you know that I am on the fast track to recovery. As a matter of fact, I have been running limitless laps around Roger on the back forty acres while yelling "Na-ne-na-ne-boo-boo, you can't catch me!"

Happy Valentine's Day

Newman begs Roger to quit being a pest!

Et tu, Bruté

The Triumvirate from left to right: Barkus Junius Brutus,

Pompeius Newmanius, and Gaseous Rogerius

Last weekend, Roger and I had our buddy Brutus, a 10-month of spoiled Rotten-weiler, spend a few days with us at the Brushtown Bed & Barkfest. Mom was out of town for a couple of days for work, so it was just us four guys doing what we do best - sitting on the couch in our "tighty-whities" and watching a 24-hour marathon of Walker, Texas Ranger on the Spike channel.

Throughout the motion picture performance, Dad found it amusing to refer to us as Walker, Texas, and Ranger. We never did figure out exactly who was who, so we just kept alternating roles — two of us playing villains while the third would try to keep the peace.

Fast forward to Friday evening when Mom returned home and crashes our bachelor party by turning it into an educational adventure. In a matter of minutes, Brutus goes from being my best buddy to becoming the protagonist in a William Shakespeare play who must balance his duty toward Rome against his loyalty to Caesar.

What in tarnation was she thinking? Had we wanted an English lesson on Shakespeare's Roman tragedy or a history lesson on the rise of Rome, we'd have rented a DVD of Julius Caesar or tuned into the History Channel.

Nevertheless, she would have no peace, even with a ranger in the house, until she explained the Latin phrase "Et tu, Bruté?" which means "You too, Brutus" in English. Supposedly this was the last phrase uttered by Caesar before he was murdered by a group of senators including his friend Marcus Junius Brutus.

I don't know about you, but I am a trustworthy kind of guy and take people at their word. Roger, on the other paw, alarmed by Brutus' betrayal of Caesar is a little dubious of our new-found friend.