Friday, March 28, 2008

The Three Amigos

This evening, I finally got to meet the three amigos - Yogi, Phineas and Lindy Jean. Although Mom didn't let me off my leash inside the Hertzler crib, I think that our first encounter went rather well considering that they are a pack of pussies. Lindy Jean took a swipe at me. But what do you expect? She's a bitch. Wait. I think that term only applies to female dogs - not felines.

Of course, while Mom and Aunt Pee were chewing the fat and sucking down an outdated ice-cold Coors Light, Aunt Pee Wee put Dad to work pruning her honey suckle vine because she couldn't reach the top of the five foot trellis without dragging out a step ladder. Keep in mind that while Aunt Pee would not think of dishing up her cats an outdated can of food, she never flinched about serving M & D an expired beer. Honestly, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

I'm most certain that she acquired the nickname "Pee Wee" because of her sawed-off-shotgun-like stature. I understand that there's another vertically challenged Law School employee, whom I've yet to meet, known as "The Little Commie." Lord only knows the origin behind that one.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The White Lie

After returning from lunch today, I received the following email message from my Aunt Cathy about a boxer that she had just seen.

Dear Newman ~ I just had to tell you that I when I was at the doctor's office today, a man pulled into the parking space beside me and, low and behold, there was a white boxer sitting in the front seat of the car. Not knowing for sure the breed of the peculiar pup, I asked the owner, 'What kind of dog is that, sir?'

Proud as a peacock, the man puffed out his chest and confirmed what I thought ... that his K-9 friend was, in fact, a boxer. He continued by saying that the dog was the only one in a litter of seven and that they are very rare.

Love ~ Aunt Cathy B.


Dear Aunt Cathy ~ I do not doubt that you did see a white boxer. However, let me set the record straight. They are not rare by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, they are very common. My late sister Beulah Ruth had two all-white siblings.

Love ~ Newman


5 Quick White Boxer FAQ's

1. White boxers are not rare.
2. White boxers are not albinos.
3. White boxers can sunburn easily.
4. White boxers can be registered. But, the white boxer does not meet the American Boxer Club's standard. The members code of ethics states that it is a infraction to register with the American Kennel Club a boxer of any color not allowed by the standard.
5. Check boxers are whites that have spots of fawn or brindle on them.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Chick Magnet

It has been one month since I flew the coop in Severna Park, MD, and came to live with Mom and Dad. As you can see, I am really starting to come out of my shell!

Happy Easter!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

First Encounter with "Big Head"

Today I met my big-headed cousin, Ajax. So as to not be accused of making defamatory remarks about him, let me explain the context in which I use the term "big-headed."

Judging by the exotic vacations that his parents take, Ajax is probably the wealthiest canine of the Knowlton pack. However, that is not the reason he has a big head. The explanation for his huge head is because he's a 220-pound+ English Mastiff. So you see, my use of the term "big head" is really a compliment.

In order for a defamation suit to stick, the statement made about the other puppy needs to be false, which causes that puppy to suffer harm. Had I called Ajax a "small pony" and that prevented him from getting a part in the upcoming film Pretentious Pooches then I might be looking at a libel suit.

Although I wasn't quite sure about Ajax at first (illustrated by my reluctance to leave the safety of Dad's truck), he's really down to earth just like his M & D. And, speaking of earth, he also cares about the environment like I do. So, I guess you could call us tree huggers and not worry about getting slammed with a frivolous lawsuit. "Truth" is an absolute defense to an action for defamation, and the truth is that we care about Mother Earth, including not lifting our legs to pee on shrubs.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Music to my ears

I went to work with Mom today and, as usual, had a good time. After lunch I met a "couple" of interesting people, and I mean that literally -- the couple being Mac "the Night" Nelson, an almost 80 year-old, retired employee of the Law School, and his bride-to-be Cathy. Although I've heard that Mac is quite the vocalist and is world renowned for his performance of "O, Holy Night," Ms. Cathy is not some young law student who Mac swept off her feet with a serenade of "Always and Forever" or "My Love."

From what I could hear under Mom's desk, which was a little muffled, they met through a singles group at Mac's church. Ms. Cathy seems like a lovely lady. I hope that Mac doesn't mess up a good thing by insisting that she adhere to the old biblical adage, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord," (Ephesians 5:22). Lord knows, Mom isn't one to roll over on her back and urinate in submission to Dad, and they seem to have a perfectly healthy marriage.

Before Mac left, I asked him if he could howl a few stanzas of Ozzy Osbourne's "Bark at the Moon," howl-ever, he declined saying that he doesn't consider himself the songster that everyone claims he is. As a matter of fact, he maintains that hearing his own voice on tape is as painful as listening to the scraping of fingernails on a chalkboard.

While many people like Mac sing for pleasure, vocal skill is usually a combination of innate talent and professional training. My late sister Beulah Ruth could howl with the best of 'em and she didn't make the cut for "American Idol," so I doubt that I am going to commit the time and resources to pursuing vocal lessons.

Beulah Ruth auditions for "American Idol"

Monday, March 17, 2008

A special "thank you"

I would like to take this moment to thank Dr. Ronald O. Schueler, DVM, LLC, for making a donation in memory of Beulah Ruth to the Morris Animal Foundation, the world’s largest nonprofit foundation dedicated to funding research studies to protect, treat and cure animals, including companion animals, as well as wildlife.

Dr. Schueler and his staff were vital in giving M & D two + years of quality life with Beulah Ruth. You won't find a more caring and compassionate group of people dedicated to helping animals.

Seriously, I hope that I never have to seek the aid of a neurologist, but, if I do, there is no doubt that Dr. Schueler is the man. Penn State has switched insurance plans from HMO to Highmark so I no longer have to get a referral from my primary care physician to see a specialist. Anything crazy happens to me neurologically, I'm headed to Westminster. That's Westminster, Maryland where Dr. Schueler is located -- not the elite dog show.

Thank you, Dr. Schueler!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

A best friend is like a four leaf clover --
Hard to find but good to have!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Happy Animal-versary!

Today M & D observed their 15th wedding animal-versary! In this day and age, that's a feat to be acknowledged. Congratulations!!!

They celebrated by having the same dinner that they had the day that they professed their undying love for each other -- steak and lobster! Considering the price of lobster and gas these days, I guess that's why Friday's lunch came off the Dollar Menu.

Friday, March 14, 2008

More "new" stuff

I went to work today with Mom. We had a surprise visit by Dad around lunchtime. Since it was such a nice day, we decided to go grab some grub at Mickey D's which led to a "pignic" at Thornwald park.

After lunch, Mom took me to the Advantica Building (highly suitable transition space for the Law School while Trickett Hall is being renovated) where I must have met at least twenty new co-workers. Everyone was so friendly and kind! I love the Law School community.

Upon our return home, M & D introduced me to one of BR's all-time favorite toys and sources of exercise -- the Kong on a Rope! From the stories that I've heard, BR and Dad used to spend hours on end in the backyard throwing and fetching the infamous Kong.

Dad definitely had a special gleam in his eye and smile on his face knowing that I have potential to love the Kong as much as my late sister BR did.

Rival aunts vie to become "top dog"

Last night Aunt Janice and Aunt Lisa came to my house to visit. They are both vying for my attention -- both hoping that I will deem one of them the "favorite aunt." Therefore, I must drop this pawnote about the order in which their names are referenced.

I know my ABC's (All Boxers Curious)! The only reason that Aunt Jannie's name is mentioned first is because "J" comes before "L" in the alphabet. After all, I learned the alphabet song long before "Row, row, row your boat."

I may be young, but I'm no dummy. I am not about to bite the hands that feed me! And, last night, both of my aunts were feeding me delicious, environmentally-friendly, Red Barn treats.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Groom Newman Day

Today I turned 6 months old and I weigh 44 pounds. How am I going to celebrate? After I get a pawdicure and shave my whiskers, I think that we are going shopping. I hate to admit it, but I heard M & D mention one of the bad words that was forbidden in the house when I lived with Aunt Lee for fear of getting my mouth washed with soap. You guessed it -- PetSmart!

I beg Aunt Lee to forgive me. She owns and operates "All for the Pets" located in Severna Park, MD which is too far of a drive for fish. Mom wants to get a few more glass catfish for her tank and since we live in the sticks that's really the only place buy them. I do also support a locally owned and operated pet store where I purchase my Candidae food and other natural treats.

Yesterday, I visited my Uncle Rat B@$t@rd and Aunt Nancy. I tried playing with my two cock-a-poo cousins, Hannah and Cooter, but neither one was in the mood. I think that Hannah might have been suffering from PMS because she turned up her weasel face lip and snarled at me. It was a fun visit anyway.

As you can see from the above photo of me in my pretzel imitation, yesterday's events took the wind out of my sails. That's saying something considering the set of sails I have!

Friday, March 7, 2008


I was more than a little confused today. First, Dad got me out of bed this morning rather than Mom. Then, Mom served me breakfast -- a spoonful of cottage cheese on my K-9 Caviar/Canidae medley -- but she didn't take a shower to get ready for work like she normally does after breakfast.

In fact, she sat around in her jammies working on the 'puter until almost noon when Aunt Sherry W. called with the bad news -- power had been restored to their office so they had to report to work.

So since Dad isn't working right now (except for being Mom's house husband), he sent Mom and me out to join the millions of other hard-working Americans. After all, someone in the family has to bring home the bacon. Heck, just this past week alone, I ran up a $100 tab on my charge card ordering various Earthbath toiletries, Bully sticks, and Canidae treats without even batting an eye.

Mom's co-workers are nice. Everyone has graciously welcomed the "Newman on the Block" to the Communications staff. Although, I must admit that I was a little nervous when Aunt Sherry broke out the paper slicer. I know that neutering is in my future because I've heard Mom and Dad using the dreaded "N" word. And, during my last encounter with a blade, I lost half my ears! So, can you really blame a guy for being a little uneasy?

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Play Date

I had my first play date today with my new bully buddy Atticus, a four and a half month old English bulldog. What a tank!

I don't know if it's because we just became friends or if he's afraid to unleash the secret to his bullheadedness for fear that I will kick his butt in the ring ... but for whatever reason, At-a-Boy didn't tell me if he gets his strength from pumping iron, eating Wheaties, or a combination thereof.

Ms. Elizabeth, Attie's mom, owns the Style Station where Mom gets her hair groomed so Atticus gets to go to work with his mom just like me. Something else we have in common besides nice lower lips!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

New Man on Campus

More "new" stuff to report. I spent the first full day with Dad doing guy stuff. After watching the Flyers stink up the ice and lose yet another game in a shoot out, we visited nearby Dickinson College campus and did some girl and squirrel watching.

I think that if I'm going to be hanging out on Dickinson campus, I definitely am going to have to get one of those cool iPods.

Of course, our adventures on campus didn't come without a lesson on the leash. In addition to working on the command "heel," I learned how to safely cross the street by employing the "Stop, Look, and Listen" theory explained in Pedestrian Safety 101.

Since I'm a good ol' country boy, Dad made me sit at the corner of the square in down town Carlisle for the duration of four light cycles to expose me to the various sights and sounds of the city so that I won't be freaked out.

I wish I had a penny for every time a passerby commented about how well behaved I am. Heck, I'd probably have enough to get that iPod I want so badly. Until then, Dad told me that I can use his cell phone to download tunes.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The Big Bed

What a treat I had this morning. Mom really worked her tail off yesterday and needed a few extra hours of sleep. So after my regular 7 a.m. potty call and breakfast, I was allowed to sleep in the big bed with M & D for a couple more hours.

It was lots of fun. At first I made use of the bed as a trampoline, but that ended pretty quickly after I used Mom's belly as a spring board. I still sleep in my bed at night because I am a big boy.

I heard Dad using the "C" word while talking to Mom last night which understandably upset her. You guessed it -- that "C" word. So today we had to clean the house. I understand it's a weekly ritual that neither M or D really care for.

So far, two of my favorite implements of housekeeping are the mop which I love to chase and the feather duster which tickles my nose while biting it. I'm not sure that the vacuum cleaner is my friend so I kept my distance from the Dirty Devil until I can decide.

Saturday, March 1, 2008


It has been one week since my adoptive parents traveled to Severna Park, MD to pick me up from Aunt Lee. Although I miss playing with my sister Marla and my biological mom Laurel, I love my forever home where I am the only child. A special thanks to my Aunt Lee for taking such wonderful loving care of me.

I've learned a lot during my first week at my new home. Dad has really been working with me on training. Mom thinks he's a drill sergeant but they both agree that I will be a better man for it -- or would that be a better new man for it?

I already know "come" -- at short distances -- and "sit." We started working on "heel" and "stay" last night. Stay was probably the most painful because Dad was making me stay in the living room while Mom was cooking dinner in the kitchen. The alternative was to go in my crate a half hour time out, so I decided that staying in the living room on my Fido Fleece bed was a better option.

Since Dad had to work this week, I have put in nearly 40 hours this week serving as Mom's reference guide.