Monday, May 26, 2008

SmackDown in Brushtown

Jax the Jowls of Death and Newmie the Newbie face off

Roars of utter disbelief came over the crowd as Newmie the Newbie Knowlton took down his giant-headed contender cousin Jax the Jowls of Death in a much awaited Memorial Day match up.

Although at one point in the match it appeared as though Jax was ready to throw in the towel as he lay on the grass, paws up in the air as if begging for mercy, Newman could sense the life slowly flowing back into the bowels of the beast.

Realizing that he had both speed and youth on his side, Newmie, weighing only one-quarter the weight of his contender, used reverse psychology to bring down the 230-pound mammoth monster. So rather than chasing his challenger, Newman employed the "Na nee na nee boop boop. You can't catch me" strategy to suck the life out of the weary beast. Newman delivered his final blow using a patented "Dragon Sleeper Hold," also known as the "Beast Choker" which victoriously obtained him the pin and ultimately the Brushtown Belt.

At the conclusion of the showdown, Jax was on his back staring up at the open sky of the arena while hundreds of spectators, including his two cock-a-poo cousins walked away celebrating the new man on the block's triumphant win over long-time heavy weight champion Jax the Jowls of Death Knowlton.

Reliable sources report that after having the wind knocked out of his sails, Ajax's head is not as big as it was before the match. Whether or not he's just talking smack, word on the street is that Ajax has issued an invitation for another face off vowing to win back the prestigious Brushtown Belt. Stay tuned for further developments.

Newmie goes in for the kill


Anonymous said...

Sweetie pie.... Do you realize you make your Aunt Lisa VERY nervous reading "tails" like this?!

Ajax said...

I was reading the latest entry on the blog and felt compelled to set the record straight. My head has not gotten any smaller as the result of my recent round with baby cousin Newman. Obviously, Newman might like to believe that he could best me in a backyard brawl. And, as the older, wiser and better-looking one in the family, I let him believe he was winning.

Actually, there is only so much rough-housing that a massive mastiff can take before one gets bored with it all. As an English mastiff of superior breeding, I need to take time for tea at a certain point each afternoon. We had reached that point in the day -- so I just rolled over so that Newman would get the message-- all that boxer puppy energy is just sooooooo exhausting.

My head still weighs more than Newman -- so if he thinks that he somehow has captured the Brushtown Belt, he better think again.

Sometime, if I can fit it in among my naps, I may go another round with him -- perhaps something more refined, like cricket?